Sex and love is different!
Submitted on: 10/28/07 08:05
Don't we all dream of the Hollywood story....
We meet the right person, feel great since the very fist moment and both just know that the other one is the one. A bit later both get married - and - live happily together until death seperates them.
Well, that is a typical Hollywood story and we all love that movies and many dream of it. However, Hollywood stops right where the daily life starts.
truth is that many relatinship break apart. Sometimes in most early stages butsometimes also after many years of having lived together. A surprise for moany people around and often for the other partner who gets the "kick".
There obviously many reasons forthat. Many issues can happen when two live together. Today, however, sex is becoming more and more important. Not only for men but women too.
We daily are confronted to sex. All commercials are taking sexas a selling tool. Milk, chocolate, cleaning supplies, cars, houses, air conditionaing, magazines, etc etc all are oftne advertised with sex. Sex isthe tool attracting people to the attention the seller wants to and finally to the sell. Opening a magazine, switching on the tv watching a movie or simply going out on sunday will confront us with many sexual pictures.
No doubt that we therefore if not consciously than at least subconcsiously - if not always at least often- think of sex. Sex is good, sex gives us power, motivation and energy. Sex can make us forget a stressful day. It has a healing factor.
Men and women know that but many do not want to admit or are afraid of opening up and express there thoughts.
Women often like to think that sex and love is the same. Wrong! Sex and love can not be the same and should not. If all the same you make love with your husband or boyfriend he will get bored of you very soon. Love is tender, smooth, soft while sex is to live out the animal instinct. Release a feeling, having fun, being an "animal".
nothing wrong with that at all!
Sex has to be part of any relationship. It must or it is programmed at a certain point to fail. A man wants to have sex. No feeling justsex. Fulfill his fantasies.
therefore also the interest of many men to have sex with other women. However, that does not mean he does not love "you". Not at all. Instead, he probably does love you very much and simply does not want to loose you. However, he wants to have sex. Having sex as explained above is different. After having done it all is over.
it is about feeling like the hunter, wanted. It is about exploring something diferent, consuming a need with no feeling. It is about having only fun with no feeling and going forthe fantasy. Fantasy might just be to have sex with another person and as it is not love it is all over once done.
Compare it a bit like we go out for shopping. We sometimes justfeel the needto shop. buy those shoes, buy that cloths even our wardrop is full of it. No special reason but just a feeling. Just like we all go to a coffee place and have with a coffee a donuts.
Same it is for sex and its consumption. No feelings and no "pressure" to satisfay the other person but to be only selfish, to just get, play, consume. Once done it is over and forgotten.
I do belive we therefore do not have to put too much meaning if a person has sex with another one. Important is that there is no love. As longas that is the case, there is nothing to get scared of. no reason to break up the relationship.
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I think you missing the point that Appie is making.
You talking about sex as part of love, she is talking about sex as part of life. There are just two different things. Just many people are getting confused with that concept. Hence break up of many othervise good relationships because he or she had sex (NOT LOVE!!!) with someone else.
I fully agree that men as well as women easily become confused, thinking good sex must be love. Especially in younger people. Difficult to teach otherwise, but an important lesson to convey as early as reasonable.
I once used the shopping analogy with a young lady who was engaged to an older man. He would walk with her hand-in-hand down the street and oogle other women. Her native language was Chinese, his English. She was having trouble conveying to him how he made her feel. I told her she was being treated like an expensive piece of jewelry that he had purchased, was happy to show off to others to get their attention while he continued down the street shopping for more jewelry. Not a happy marriage.