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After spending considerable time going through the selection process for a bank holiday exploit, email dilly dally, phone calls planned and groomed heading off on the motarway, 45 miles later gets a text "sorry have to cancel" so halfway betwen home and heaven I spent my sunday morning at a car boot, bought loads of useless junk to put with all the other useless junk I have allready horded.
Spent sunday eve planning the next day, blah blah blah mails, phone calls directions etc,
up at the crack of dawn, both of these punts were a considerable distance from home BTW, well cross country.
So early start again, fresh as a rose, again about 50 miles later gets a text "sorry I have to cancel". Ironically both texts came 24 hours and 15 minutes apart.
Needing some male bonding now I rang a fellow hobbyist and went and had breakfast and had a great day hanging out in his country mansion. LOL best incall for a while. (well second best actually)
Now what nagged me was the feeling of impending doom, I felt each morning when I set off, the feeling I disreagarded, as there was a greater power in force at this time, (lust) that instinct that tells me what is right or wrong that has got me by for many years, I ignored it put it down to nerves. silly boy!
Now why I didnt go back to someplace I had been before? was the Q I was asking myself, I like the new, but on reflection I have met some lovely ladies 1 or 2 in particular who I am definatley going back to and have been.
So sunday, monday blown out, I choose to take the excuses on face value, well you have to really, cos you just never know. Though it doesnt prevent the feeling of loss and dissapointment, but I didnt take it personal. I consider my self an ideal punt, you know OK.
3rd booking, chatted on phone now this time I wasnt going to get up at silly 'o'clock, (though its great on the roads at this time and hopefully the speed cameras are still asleep)
an early evening booking, was waiting for the call back to confirm, but by this time I knew she wasn't going to call and I was'nt even ready. I listened to my gut instinct and wasn't wrong.
Ah one of my fave ladies in irc, funnily enough the one I thought about going to see the past few days but felt compelled to see a new one... yes silly boy!
Any way some chitty chat, to be honest the last thing on my mind was going off out at this time of night....... As if by magic I was propelled into my car and flying over the bridge after being made "an offer I couldnt refuse" -=(X-rated)=- (Editors snip) stumbled out into the daylight next day, LOL my age is showing now staying up all night was a doddle years back. Damm chat rooms lol.
Now why I didn't go there in the first place is a still a mystery to me. Turned out to be a great night chatting and eating and ......... more chatting, lots of "oh I must go soon"
Though now the chemistry has changed huge shift in the dynamic of the relationship. I think I would rather have a friend than a phuque. Good phuques are 10 a penny, (well a little bit more than that actually, in modern currency)
So I am left with the delema of continue the escort/punter relationship or drift into friendship,?? unlikley and unrealistic to maintain both. Let alone ethical. Not that I dont enjoy friendships with escorts I have seen, I think this night we crossed the line. Methinks friends.
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Added on: 08/31/06 02:20
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Get your motor runnin'
Head out on the highway
Lookin' for adventure
And whatever comes our way
Yeah Darlin' go make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
And explode into space
Ah that feeling, after the sifting through the multitude of erotic options, making a choice done the "getting to know you" thing! via email, chat and phone, (why waste precious moments when surely the best way to get to know someone is in the post-cotial afterglow amidst the sweat and aroma of mixed sex?)<!--break-->
The day arrives, hopefully not a too taxing day at work as the distraction weighs heavily on my mind.
The bath running, this is it, clean clothes laid out;
Money? - Check!
Phone? - Check!
Spare phone battery? - Check!
Number written down? - Check!
Map and directions printed off? - Check!
Petrol, oil and water? - check!
Last minute email? - Check!
Music? - Check! (I just love my car mp3 player)
Satnav? - I wish!
Chauffer briefed? - Yeah dream on!
Excuses made? - Check!
Heading out on the M32 out of Bristol is akin the sensation of a roller coaster ride. The engine revs slightly outgunning the palpatations in my chest and stomach. Car sound system maxxed out!, windows open to dry my hair, Cant beat that sensation, half the fun is getting there.
Oh!-oh!! watch your speed, the last thing you want is a letter from the speed camera, recording your wereabouts, or worse a hard shoulder chat with the boys in blue!
""""Sun is shining, the weather is sweet, yeah
Make you wanna move your dancing feet now""""
Thank you Mr Marley
Let the car take over driving, watching the speedo, listening to traffic reports, slowley switching off the chatter in my head that was my day, focusing on the emmediate, and whats here and now is an encounter with with a delightful creature who for a period of time is going to be my playmate, companion, fuque-buddy, mistress yeah whatever!
In good time no need to worry, better to arrive tooooooo! early and park up and soak up the enviroment and find a place for coffee and wonder;.. What will she be like?; will she like me? will we click?; is she pretty? am I the first of the day, what will she wear?, can she really do that????
imagine her puttin on her makeup and pottering around at home wondering what I will be like.
Arrive! the call, the door bell.***************
Stumble out a while later, aimlessley wander about trying to remember where the car is parked, 15 miniutes later find it, car drives me home.
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Added on: 07/22/06 04:31
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A couple of months ago I came into a lump of money, not a vast fortune. I found myself with a couple of grand "cashmoneyspend" I had cleared out an area of my life which gave me a comfy wad of dosh, and it was mine! The house-hold budget manages itself I had recently become that person who in a few months is about to be a father again, which is lovely, BUT! But it hit me, mortality, evolution, growing old, a completely new sense of self. I thought I was content with my lot, the been there, done it!, got the tea-shirt!, experienced highs and lows of life, an anarchic tapestry, woven into my very being. financially stable ish, not loaded, just about able to not go to far into each months overdraft.
Thought I was content with my long-term relationship and I am, except for one teeny-weeny bit, bedroom antics have all but grinded to a halt, the past few years, baby-making sessions. Oh the same old story I guess for most punters, with the exception that this is Mine., There will always be similarities and there will be difference.
Now I would never have thought that I would ever succumb to paying for it. I suppose I was under some grandiose illusion that I would never have to, never had to, why start now.
Anyway I decided, for the sake of sanity I need to get some needs met. I gave it lots of consideration and explored avenues. Dipped into the "contact/swinger" scene, the odds where stacked against me right from the offset, No photo, not single, I think the expression used was a "cheater". I get the impression that most of the adds are placed by the site hosts and the others looking for Mr Right, not Mr Right Now!
If I had marketed myself better and put up a pic or 2 who knows? Discovery not an option! Cheating?? Good question, from my perspective not. I was not looking to give my heart and soul away or leave my home, apart from the sex I am very happy. Anonymous, uncomplicated, outrageous sex with strangers was the order of the day, a mutual exchange of lust.
Naturally an affair was not an option. I dont have the time to go to clubs and pubs and cruise, besides too much hassle and also discovery and or breaking someones heart by leading them on, not my style, but us blokes have a knack for saying things we may not mean, when we get a little hot and bothered down below. (OK speaking for myself here, didnt mean to drag the whole male race down to my level)
Porn? "www.justhowmuchporncanonemandownload.com" I guess that answers that!
So I made a decision to visit escorts 10th of November I began my journey. What a feeling not what I expected, my whole preconceived ideas of what the sex industry was about where blown away. And I have had some involvement over the years in various different roles.
Last night marked the end of an era for me, with a fantastic exploit with a delightful lady, who gave me the best of both worlds, the ever functional, dependable GFE crossed over to Hardcore Dominatrix and back and forth all night till I didnt know if I was coming or going. That was the last of a lump of money that, had its own unique purpose. I am a man of morals (albeit little ones lol) and I wont use money that I am in partnership with to indulge my hobby.
So I have had some fantastic experiences, met some lovely women, so until a relative dies, non on the horizon, or I win the lottery.
So is it an end of an era???
or back to the drawing board.
Damm those lists of things I want to do before I die.
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Added on: 02/06/06 06:35
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Ha-ha just posted a comment about my eating habits, and an occupational hazard I have adopted.
The comment "sending my butty back!" sounds like a fetish service. Which has given me great amusement.
And now trying to define the said act, the mind boggles!
I am not sure if it hurts, or how it may be interpreted in another language, for our over seas friends. lol
I took a year out in my youth and did the walkabout Europe thing. I was working in the south of France with a circus troop, and we used to go out drinking (France!, drinking??, Yes dear reader, the truth is often stranger than fiction!)
One of our companions was a delightful, Moroccan lad, who was amazed by our ability to meet women, and wanted to know how we did it, So we taught him English, he spoke not a word, but after a bit of coaching (and lots of wine) he was able to say "You smell dangerous!" to all the pretty fillies. Our work was done hes was fluent. As was our way in those days, us "Cascadeur's" would scrub up after a show and out on the "pull" The young Moroccan lad whose name escapes me (we're talking over 20 years ago), would get a bladder full and wander up to women and inform them that they smelled dangerous. LOL! I guess you had to be there. If your thinking how cruel, (I havent always been a saint) I must admit it could have been, had it not worked for him like a charm. He had a first class seat on the "totty express"
I wonder if he still uses the same line today?
Anyway back to my "butty" and why I seem to find it so amusing and why it creates a stirring in my loins, A stirring? Why its not even pay day, defiantly something to explore. I am sure if delve deep in the bowels of the tinternet, I will find someone or something able to fulfil my desire and send my butty back
Does it hurt?
What do I need to wear?
How much does it cost?
How many people needed?
So many considerations, and I thought I was a regular guy. Its funny what rocks my boat nowadays. Never say never eh? I find as I get older, I tend to go off the map a little bit, OK quite a lot, but it seems nowadays, what was considered kinky or perverted is quite acceptable today. Thats probably my perspective that has changed.
In the late 80s, early 90s a veritable summer and winter of love (LUST) was the first time I went over the edge sexually. I once dated a women in the early 80s who whilst I was asleep tied me up, legs and arms, spread-eagled I was no prude around sex, but this was too much. I freaked out. I thought she was weird. I guess I was a bit of a prude.
The summers of lust, club land and all-night parties and a whole new sexual dimension for me to explore and let my inner child AKA the punk within come out to play, it all seemed perfectly normal to erect ropes and pulleys from the ceilings and walls, dressed up in everything and anything. Power tools and kitchen implements, who needed sex shops? Wild wacky totally out of (or in) control. How disappointed I was years later to find that people had been into bondage and fetish stuff for several decades (if not centuries). WE thought we had invented it. It was our creation. HA-ha obviously; too young; too dumb; too full of cum, to remember shops like Seditionaries, Sex or Boy on the kings road who were selling bondage trousers. Ha-ha I used to go to those places and buy stuff, never made the connection though. AH the joys of youth and innocence. and then I went to sleep for 10 years, they call it settling down and being responsible.
And now I have woken up from what feels like a 100 year sleep.
One thing my experience has shown me is, never say never and be open-minded, though not so open minded that my brains fall out.
Still no closer to solving the mystery of What is my butty? And how do I get it sent back? Is it my butty to send back? Who does the butty belong to? Ah! Getting closer who owns the butty?
Always on the lookout for the new and daring exploits.
Is this one last attempt to exorcise any lingering demons or a desperate cry for help or a gentle reminder I need to take my meds?
Well lifes toooooooooooo short to wonder. I am wondering though. Whats next? Where next? Oh I know! Get to work! Some creative fundraising to get some escort vouchers.
till next time.
xx
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Added on: 02/01/06 03:58
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When, after much consideration and thought I decided to become a punter, I created an alter-ego, No thats not quite right I created a persona, a name, something easy to remember Ok peter(-punter) I wont forget that, which quickly mutated into petero as there seemed to be a lot of Peter's about. Must be an age thing (memory loss)
Anyway this petero is me, only the name is different. I execute lavish complex diversions to protect my identity and cover my tracks. Exposure is not an option, though should that fateful day come, I will be big enough to work through it or face the consequences of my action. Justified as they seem/are.
It is getting to a state of dilemma when my phone rings, Or I am making a call..... WHO AM I???? being slightly dyslexic, usually around left and rights (somewhere I am not wired up right lol)I get this symptom overspill to my hobby!
So I had to introduce a system into my phone which triggers me to answer correctly, and it seems to work.
Lately I have been crossing boundaries with women, where we exchange real names. Now some "old school" (hahaha I dont mean old! thats your stuff! ;-) and you know who you are! XX)
Now some more, professional, experienced (is that better?) escorts claim there is a line, that once crossed can never go back to punter/escort relationship.
I digress, this is not about ancient (no Dammit! you dont look old, stop it!) (and you still know who you are HAHA!) rules and laws handed down through escortdom.
So anyway I am on first name terms with some women and them me, what a relief to be able to communicate in this way "Peter, what do you think of such and such?"................ "Eh, what! sorry, I wasnt listening"
feels so much more natural, and in all cases I think the women has instigated it. Now I dont have a copy of the punters bible so I am not clear on this laws, but it feels much more civilised. ha-ha! one escort told me 2 of her real names.
I feel OK with it, it deepens the experience, if I wanted "wambam" I would go to a parlour! I dont want that, nor do I want to get involved. I saw an escort and read on her site QUOTE "Are you a gentleman looking for some uncomplicated, sensual, companionship? Would you like to introduce some fun into your life without an emotional risk? Let us provide the solution...." UNQUOTE Yes I know thats what it s all about but to see it in black and white reassured me. Now if I went about getting my needs met in bars and clubs, apart from the uncertainty and obvious hassle I could not guarantee I wasnt going to get intimate with a "bunny boiler" or have to say something I didnt really mean and hurt someones feelings.
So Petero OR ******* I am the same person, with the same desires and needs. Initially it was about covering my tracks and not really knowing the scene. It sometimes feels silly and I dont tell every escort my name and By the same token I dont want to know the girls name either. In some ways it is like I have been granted some special favour and likewise I tell an escort my real name that says there is something deeper than an exchange of cash. it is a real joy now with some women to say who I am, funny isnt it, well I appreciate the irony, that we get to see (and sometimes more than see) each others bits and pieces, and we get to do things to each otheres bits and pieces that some folk wouldnt dream of doing, yet it is considered weird to know someones real name, bit like kissing, god! that's perverted. So who will I tell my name to today?? the mind boggles.
So signing off now. peace out XX Er, who am I??
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Added on: 01/29/06 03:52
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Whahay! its the weekend! the culmination of a long week. It seems the planet has been spinning extraordinarily faster than normal, as I and most everyone I know is feeling very tired.
And what of it, the weekend, so much expectation 2 whole days off, work no major tasks to deal with in the house.
Shit load of work to do round college;. A radio news item for radio school; a play to write; 2 training sessions to prepare; a book to read; a poem to read.. A blog to write. Apart from all that, which take my astute skills of procrastination to manage, till next week .. at the 11th hour, then itll be coffee and do not disturb, gotta think of creative fundraising activities in the pursuit of my hobby. Just to take my mind off things.
Again what of it. It passes so quick, the promise of relaxation, the totally unwind, the wonderful things to do and then in the blink of an eye.. wOOsh! Its gone. Its Sunday night. And memories flood my mind of childhood baths in the steel tub and the proverbial Sunday night bath and school the next day. Haha Im not that old but the memory lingers Dont get me wrong I love my job, at the same time I like doing nothing, though I never get round to doing nothing, all ways doing nothing. how I long to be a human being instead of a human doing.
Well theres sat morn yoga at 9.30 by which time I have written a few emails, had breakfast, walked the dogs. The thrill and spills of being an early riser. HAHA in an ideal world I would have been born rich or made one of my life priorities to be rich and have funds sufficient to engage in overnights so at the crack of dawn (see what a good boy I am, deliberately avoided the obvious pun. Im getting classy)..Nooooooooooooo!! Waaaaaaaaaaaay!!!) I would be up with the lark. But I dont that one will remain in the realms of fantasy and hope or a win on the lottery. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!
See the hassles I have to content with, if only I wasnt accidentally switched at birth maybe one day I will get to the Bahamas and find my real parents and claim my rightful inheritance. Prodigally I will!
Anyway I digress, its Friday night and the promise of peace time is upon me. Yoga shopping to spend xmas pressie vouchers coffee with a pal watch the world go by for awhile, potter about at home cook a nice meal. Chill out watch a movie.
Being a horder I find I meet my addiction head on a Sunday morning at car boot sales, row upon row of junk to clutter up my home with. Always something really, really useful that will come in handy one day or some more movies, to put on the shelves with the other movies that I will get around to watching one day.
Being a horder is a full time occupation, constantly on the look out for new places to stash new stuff. Life is sometimes difficult and fraught with little difficulties.
What I need is a holiday as that seems to be the only place I catch up on books. but soon life as I know it is going to change, BIG time. anyway thats another blog....
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Added on: 01/27/06 14:05
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Like I dont have enough to do already. "Start a blog they said" Was that a polite way of saying go hide your deluded ramblings?
I have the ability to be obsessive about most things, Spelling not being one of them. Or grammar.
Where to begin? at the end of course. What I thought was the end of an era for me, is not quite panning out like I thought, well THEY say you can plan plans but not the outcomes. I would continue here but I have 2 dogs that are getting very impatient and needs must. to go out and bear the elements.
not a very good start is it?
Now what do I do here Whats this body thing and whats this text box down here for.
just replied to a post about money and fees. If I had thought 6 months ago I would be visiting escorts. I would have thought dont be silly.
But here I am and loving it.
I enjoy the variety of meeting different women and on most occasions I can get the thought of "I am paying for this" out of my mind. Any way I dont to ramble on about money it get some folk defensive and others angry.
I am enjoying my mid-life crisis to the max. I thought it hit me a at 40 when I abandoned a very successful computer career and got into the helping profession. A huge radical move that panned out fine, I love my job and am very good at it, without sounding arrogant. God/or Dog (depending on YOUR superstition) I cant spell for toffee. and switching keyboard styles doesnt help.
where was I oh yeah mid life crisis. I was ready to be put out to pasture, or so I thought having been in long term relationship, vanilla flavour sex. In my youth there have been many chapters, depicting different approaches to sex,
There have been the lean years where I couldnt get laid for luvnormoney, But there was pawnagafee, which help but never hit the spot.
There was the cute virile 19 or so year old who found an array of older women who were happy to pay money to sexually educate this young lad. If only I knew then what I know now.
There was the West end high flying marketing lad who was getting laid senseless, mostly stumbling out of work screwing my way through the sales reps.
the best, the summer of love which lasted through till the winter and then some. RAVE music 24/36/48 hour sessions of debauchery and passion totally inhibited, totally over the top. God we thought we invented bondage. Models and escorts dancers and actors.
And then time to grow up.
Parenthood, single parenthood to be precise 6 years, For the first couple of years I welcomed the attention I got being a single parent. But I had other priorities.
THE RESPONSIBLE ERA
Settling down. had the been there!, done that!, got the teethmarks/te-shirt!
For several years I was content ok this is what life is about, house kids, responsibilities. I think its called growing up!.... yeearck!
Life is good, nice home, nice car. great job, good friends, learnt how to cook good, no! great food, massive movie collection. now something was missing, Perhaps it was the 3 or 4 years trying for a baby with a new partner and traipsing up and bloody down to hospitals. Sex at 17 minutes past 3AM. the feeling that something was wrong with me because we werent conceiving, something was wrong with her because she wasnt.
"do you want a cup of coffee,? dear"
"No! I want a fuckin baby!!!"
and then the conception, fantastic, I could breathe I could relax,
Then the miscarriage and supporting her and myself through that. then the bloody hospitals again, It wasnt such a big deal for me to have another child, I had struggled to bring one up through its first 6 years alone and was looking forward to having some freedom again.
Then conceived again. All looking good.
Then the bump shows, shit! This is real. Now maths isnt my strong point but by the time this child was going to be grown up I would be near retiring. THEN it hit me, I dont know what it was; some feeling of my own mortality, that this life is not a dress rehearsal, this is the real deal.
Now sex, apart from an exercise which makes one pregnant was but a distant memory, and persistent masturbating wasnt an option nor was it hitting the spot. I tried the swinger/ contact sites. Found to be a waste of time, though I reserve the right to rescind that comments in future blogs.
So here I am my first blog, lots for me to b egoing on with LOL arent typos funny???
Anyway off tohave a bath and go out and check out some surgeon's handy work. lol
LUV'N'PEAS XX especially if you got this far.
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Added on: 01/26/06 02:47
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