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at last ive done a fotoshoot, just today. i havent blogged for ages too, ive loads to tell, but ive been busy on the sewing machine and other real work stuff. i have been making knickerbockers and corsets and frilly pants. what a terrible life eh?
what did u do today? i made tarty-smarty pants. oh right, good on ya....
yeah they are, hahaaa..
well, now i have to wait on pics being olde-ified, tea stained and sepia tinted, and made to look like an olde worlde harridan. i cant help but doing oooer matron faces, but u wont see those! well maybe as a funny carry-on type avatar...
bit more glam next sat, more fotos! film noir, oh il be showing off, so i will.
right! thats enuff of me, telling how fab i am..hahha
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Added on: 04/01/06 23:17
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the miserable blog is over!
im super smiley again, i got an email from a photographer who sent me an example of my rubber dolly pic done in sepia and crackled antique effect and it looks great! so hes got the job.
the only photographer who mailed me with something relevant!
dead excited! cant wait to shoot!
have been trawling antique shops at camden passage, and found brill shops, hey girls, get urself down to max oliver and annies, if u like years gone by styles. new n old together.
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Added on: 03/16/06 19:36
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i am never going to spout anything here pre-whatever now, cos every time i do, its all pride comes b4 a fall isnt it? tiptop dollymopp, then teeth and neck and christ knows whats next! death, carpet paint, teeth, twisted neck, does anyone have gus van sant/martin scorceses fone nos...
im going to post nice stuff AFTER its happened, and NOT b4! so i dont have to eat massive cold chunky slices of humble pie. sometimes im a bit proud but..
im humble anyway, well i can take it, i was just laughing at my own past blog blurg, and how it has taken a few tumbles!
well im laughing now, and i have some nice people around me. cosy...yeah...
this hasnt even got a title of sorts has it? its just me eating buttery toast n coffee and having a go on the laptop.
im fighting fit!
buttery toast is such feel good food, but it has to be thick doorstep bread, and real butter, none of ur hydroveg marg, masquerading as nearly butter.
how can u have 4 lines of blog about butter? well u can. no blogs its got to be butter!
im spoiled, i have a fab cheese bread n butter shop to choose.
cheese is a blog of its own.
u know im cheesy.
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Added on: 03/14/06 23:06
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im not really, but i was just looking at the past few posts, oh god, they are all just me! moaning! hahahhaaa!!!
oh well, thats what i get for being all dreamy dreamy lovely life, and eating lumps of cheese at my discretion, on london bridge....ul have to go back in my posts/blogs to understand that..
there are much much worse things in people lives eh?
my crabby days still have laffs in them, when i think of what might have happened to others. thats what i do. i see my glass as half full then.
does this look like another moaner blog?
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Added on: 03/05/06 19:56
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was arranging a boy appt tonite, all jolly chat per se, got a peep peep, a text. one of my pals has just died of meningitis. age 49. so i got off the fone as u can imagine. fone scotland, almost the whole of.
we had a special bond, he tattooed me. his job of course! he had a fab shop, i remember our first meeting, i wanted to be a tattooist, he told me not to be silly. girls dont become tattooists. he relented after about a year of me moaning, yes they could. this goes hand in hand in why i fought with my dad. see other blogs.
i have been saying b4 im going to have it removed, now i feel like a bit of him should stay with me. its a new story of why i have it. its got even more meaning.
graham only ever went to holland/denmark for tattooing, he never ever showed them, he wore a shirt and tie and a pullover and no-one ever knew he was tattooed at all. he looked like a lawyer/doctor type.
not ur typical tattooist at all. thats why i liked him. he showed me how. i got pig velum (fresh flesh) from the butchers to practice, its the nearest to human flesh, so i practiced. he gave me the motor, needles, tools and ink for nothing. i did good, id take it to his studio for him to see. so i became a tattooist, yes, u didnt know that, did u!? i was 21. a female tattooist.
he couldnt keep me on as assistant, and i wouldnt have set up myself to/and steal custom, im honourable. but we were from a small town, it wasnt feasible in the long run anyway. another bigger town, i would have cleaned up!
oh its a long story....
but i have great memories of him, he had a laugh like a drain, i was his fave funny gal, we had adventures, all totally platonic, i remember being in my house and we were crying from some funny things we were chatting about, i remember him tattooing me, and me shouting! oh that hurts! and he said will i stop? as if i could have a half done fish on my arm....
im gonna miss him. i like to remember that laugh, u should have heard it, people would turn heads in the pub, and id be looking away, thinking oh god they are all looking at us....
brilliant!
so....off for funeral in scotland...
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Added on: 03/01/06 23:19
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dolly golightly...yep, shiatsu is fantastic. im almost mended from 1 visit, i think. but im going back for lushness and relaxation. spoiling myself, once a mth.
she found the bones of contention, oh christ, pain! there was a bit of ouch! going on.
2 neck vertabrae, and 1 middle back one i didnt even know about. a very warm room, face down on a special cushioned body pad thing. dips for boob space, hole for face etc. i could have fallen asleep. she was very very precise in her diagnosis, an hr of chat, and she was entirely right in every way! i felt as light as a feather after. nearly did a flip handspring on borough high st. hahaaha, no, i didnt, id look mental and get arrested....
she also said i might feel a little sore tomorrow, as bones have been moved back after my 6mths out of sync. i dont care! i feel good!
well, im a fan now, chinese therapy/medicine, something in that.... and its just been proved to me.
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Added on: 02/24/06 22:17
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i think i need to go to a dolly/toy hospital. there was one in "twinkle" mag in the 70s. all the raggy dolls and teddies with one ear etc. shove my stuffing back in hahaa
neck is fine but im still going for shiatsu on fri. anyone ever been? ive been once, my head ended up 180degrees.. i could see my back! quite freaky by any standards, a bit exorcist! just really relaxed muscles and neck/spinal joints i suppose. shouldve got a pic. imagine that as ur escort party trick!
watch my head....*spin* hehehee
i have a neils yard remedies around the corner, treatment rooms, im really keen on alternative therapies, its been around for 1000s of years, way before modern chemical med. people should think about that. modern med is only a few 100 yrs old, and causes other ailments in its wake. modern med companies like glaxo want to make money from the later ailments. i do use ibuprofen, tho i use other things mostly. thats my conspiracy theories!
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Added on: 02/21/06 21:23
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oh, remember how happy i was.. about my dentistry! well, its all gone armchair thriller/roald dahl tales of the unexpected/twilight zone now.....
but a wee ray of light appeared this week...in the form of a fairy godfather....i was most delighted to be offered a helping, lending hand and thought i may take up the offer too!
alas! and lucky for him, dentist fixed me today, and if i need crowns its not 4,000, but discounted to 1,500! and, i can get that myself! if i need it. devil on my shoulder says...yes u will....so/but im all happy toothed and sparkly smile today....steadfast n ready tho..
but thanks to tooth fairy godfather for the concern!
to celebrate, i ate some danger food....chips! bloody fed up of all manners of soup...i can tell u of 1000 soup recipes, could get my own tv prog on that now.
off on a tangent....wiggly mirrors....
just bought the kaiser chiefs "employment" album, brilliant, been playing it all eve. sometimes u hear tunes, and u wish u were in the band?
a mate of mines who loved "the fall", suddenly got the chance to be in "the fall" how mad is that? u meet the lead singer of ur fave band in the street by accident, and next min, ur in the band. all true.
right now, im having some falafel and tsatsiki to dip. pray for the patron saint of dentists for me?
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Added on: 02/21/06 20:47
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i want to escape the injury dramas im having and scroll back.....hg.wells time machine..smoke and fuzzinesss.....
i have lots of very funny stories that no-one would believe if u werent there. i still mean to finish the 80s bf love thing, but il do this funny one in this moment. my front veneer has just shot out, and im thinking of a fun memory instead....
ive got one..80s... and i really really fancy the boy, and he never ever checks me, so i gave up...
well, about 2 yrs later, its my chance! so im schmooozing, and we are mates, but flirting madly... hes coming home with me! yesss! i was punching the air, but he never saw that..but..
i had a nice little flat in scotland, we couldnt get there fast enuff, it was all throwing each other against walls, tearing at the clothes, every surface, every wall, like a film.
we eventually got to the bed, my lowdown bed with cushions, yes! ive had a lowdown bed with cushions for years....
well, it gets all silent and just breathing in sync (i love that)....and hes above me, and we are naked....and...then.
my hands are on his bum.
and.
i feel this sticky gooey substance.
on his bum.
in the candle light, i look.
its brown and gooey.
im thinking...no! pls! it cant be!? not poo?
so, i had to be a bit wiley....i flipped him into a position, where i could erm, smell my fingers on the way....i know that sounds so crude and gross, but im thinking poo exp? i needed to know! being a diplomatic dolly....
it smelled of coffee.
forgot id had a box of roses chocs scattered on my bed that day, and i HATE coffee creams. it was one of those, it was stuck to his bum, all tin foil and melted on etc..hahaha, oh too glam!
oh purest joy! it wasnt poo!
so, i said...
"ahem, u have a coffee cream stuck on ur bum"
and we were killing ourselves laffing, the moment was lost....
we never did finish the original plan! too funny....
fast forward to....2003, i met him by accident in fulham, he lives there now. i thought "coffee cream" as soon as i saw him. im sure he did too! we had a cup of TEA tog.
i wish u could have seen my face at the point of gooey bum contact. must have been a pic opportunity if ever there was...
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Added on: 02/18/06 23:50
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u must be fed up with hearing about the teeth....
so il tell u about my torn neck muscle now hahhaaa, oh yes, ive done it before, the neck muscle flips out every so often and its agony for about 2 days after, well, i did cut some hot bodypopping moves with a hiphop dance workout vid, and the neck spasmed..so neils yard remedies around the corner and a wheat/lavender pillow from the microwave. plus 2 nurofen. im ok now, but i was laughing, thinking, this is like "death becomes her" that mad film with meryl streep and goldie hawn, they will never die, but still have major accidents? bullet wounds, limbs falling off, teeth falling out,etc...
what a mess they were!
if u havent see that film, do, its hilarious.
men grow old and become distinguished, women, well, thats another blog.
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Added on: 02/15/06 01:49
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oh its all too good again! not fugue!
ok, the bad stuff first...a new toof evacuated in a cafe! a front one too...it was the fault of a sausage! ahem, infront of a boy too! oh the shame....so hes sitting there, massive bacon egg sausage mushroom brunch, and his dream gal has just turned into daughter of steptoe!
well... im so ashamed, and i escaped cafe, to the cocoon of er, super loctite and my bathroom mirror. its ok, but i can only eat soup now, hahahaaa, well not hahhaa, im perturbed! this cost a lot, and im upset. its not the end of the world tho. the boy is taking me to see motorhead/foo fighters/queens of the stone age soon. il be 40 then. a 40yr old woman in a moshpit, is it allowed? i have a motorhead t-shirt.
this dentist has me under the thumb. its the bruxism, i know it. the grinding in the nite.
crowns are 500 per crown. well, a gal gotta look good, per se, and! for the boys, what a saga. 8 x 500 for crowns. thy will be done. pain and much bleeding ahoy....maybe u have to suffer to get the good stuff.
my thumb and index finger are swaying, cos thats the action of the worlds smallest violin playing, just for me. but..its playing wagners' "ride of the valkyries" tho. il live and crunch carrots another day....
well, the good stuff!
all dream sequence and circus wiggley mirrors.....waynes world wavy arms, im not worthy....
having a brill time, if i was a man id be in love with me, and er, me! and what did u say? oh yeah, me hahaha
thanks boys!
off to bed with a smile on my face.
thats dead vain, hehee u know im joking.......
sarcasm is the lowest form of wit? its also the funniest!
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Added on: 02/13/06 23:34
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tracy emins bed.
my bed.
who would buy my bed? an escorts bed.
if i kept my bed for 20 yrs, what would it say if it could talk?
im very tactile and my bed is a special womb to me, i curl up, foetus like, by myself and think a lot.
i think tracy might think like that too. dunno.
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Added on: 02/04/06 20:20
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i just read a bit of me...i said...
i dont fake anything?! thats a pure white lie of sorts!
ok... my new teeth, my nails, my hair...thats it!
i have natural black hair, but there are some greys coming in! so i fix that. more greys than my mum! pure horror and terror...
my nails are like wafers, so i fix them too.
and u know about me teef! ate a veneer, another dentist visit...
we would all fix little details if we could/can. thats my fixing done wiv!
thats "my faker shame". fone the news of the world..
it is important in this, visual appearance. sounds trivial, but 1st impressions last. true.
u get real me feelings here, nails teeth and hair dont count!
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Added on: 02/04/06 18:50
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the day after i knew he was now my bf, i didnt know what to do. how could i do both? i was arguing with myself in my head, i really was. he arrived at precisely the WRONG time. on time? to save me from something? well, i got here in the end. i think i was meant to be here. its taken a while to really KNOW i was meant to be HERE. why cant it be a good vocation? im only saying that because i know id be shot down in flames if i argued in another world, that this was ok.
i really think men are more truthful in this. it might not be all rosey and perfect but its truth. and the truth isnt perfect. i like that truth. tho, this is seen as some kinda underworld, it feels naked, bare and more real. and good! i dont fake anything. we know we arent going to upset "the matrix" the other world? maybe this is "the matrix"?!
my bfs were truthful b4, but i suspect some embroidering. i laugh now. they could have said, it would have been ok. the guilt of why they were telling...i would have respected that and thought ok...uve done the right thing now, its fine.
i cant bear lies. i never lie here, i know i read back and see ive given away a bit much, but hey, im real.
for the past week, ive been completely euphoric. i like thinking about the past, the present, the future, the inbetweenies! i think when life plans were dealt out, i was somewhere in the front of the queue..
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Added on: 02/03/06 17:52
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back to that, after my holiday here, blinded by a new boy, new teeth and new bed. oh its all too much, she says, back of hand on the forehead.
its 1989...
i was mad about the boy, i couldnt get enuff of him, we spent whole weekends naked, only got up to wee or eat. id never exp this before. i could have eaten him alive, i just fell head over heels, and i had a sad thought. my new whore adventures was going to have to stop! well, maybe not straight away, lets see if i can have my cake and eat it. i just didnt have one guilty bone about me, tho. that means something. a then and now feeling?
i thought, what would happen if he knew, this bed hes in, just recently had a man more than twice his age, lose his virginity in it? hypothetical, but i could have made this knowledge real. of course, i didnt.
we continued to see each other every weekend, fri till sun night, when he had to drive back to reading. i told u, ive never said "i love u" to anyone? i havent. but we had this nite...back from a nite out, coffee, toast, bed...music, touchy feely, it became really intense and soon, we were just staring at each other, moving slowly together, silent. except breathing in sync.
we sort of stopped moving, just still, and looking at each other intensely, and this seemed to go on for an age. he was above me, looking at me. i love candles and a few were flickering and i could just make out his expression. his eyes were shining and then i felt a wetness drip on my face, tears!
i knew why, too. he loved me!
we didnt speak, we just stared at each other, and i cried too.
i was terrified, of this thing i felt.
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Added on: 01/31/06 22:41
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the teef! the whole teef! and nothing but the teef!
i have had my cosmetic dentistry dreams fulfilled, it looks good, but weird, i just keep looking at them... when ur smiling, when ur smiling, the whole world smiles with u, dadadadaa, when ur laffing, when ur laffing etc....
i had to stop myself going up to strangers and saying,
look!at!my!new!teeth!
they look really natural, not too perfect.
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Added on: 01/31/06 15:26
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im fussy about my bed. since my teens, ive taken the legs off to make it futon level. i like it low....lowdown n dirty haha..ok, not dirty! my new bed, is not of average bed height either, and i have 10 pillows and some cushions. they are arranged all round so it looks like a massive fat square of sponginess that u can just delve into. a rosey red cocoon. i never go undercover, i havent been under a duvet for years, well, not my own, but i did buy a new one recently. i like to lie on it instead.
its a special bed. its new.
this bed is going to tell stories! oh, book title alert...haha
i just like to have a fuzzy to wrap around me for sleep, and i sleep naked. but sometimes i wear furry socks! not with my boys, tho...
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Added on: 01/30/06 19:24
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il get back to the 80s bf blog...
but! i just want to blog a new boy visit!
we pmed/emailed/chatted a bit, and set a date/meet.
he was a bit gorgeous! much younger than me, dead shy too, ahh bless. im not fussed about looks, but he was rather easy on the eye! he had a personality to match his gorgeousness.
so we chatted a bit, and sometimes, he could barely meet my eye. i just smiled at that.
he looked great, suit, cufflinks, really tall, smelled fabulous. what a lucky dollymopp...
we moved to my boudoir, and i found, he really wanted to get IN the bed. i always sleep on top of the duvet, with fuzzy throw, cos its too warm in my house, for duvet.
i thought.. do i look odd, cos i dont get under my duvet? its just too warm, i have a concrete floor with hot pipe heating! all year round. great in winter. its unbearable in summer, tho i just bought an air condtioner this summer. i cant believe im blogging u about air condtioning...hahahaa
all i could think at that moment, was, hes now thinking im having some psychological thoughts of "on the bed, not in the bed" vibe...oh, so not my way!
my boys are welcome in my real bed. when he leaves, i sleep in it. i can smell him. its a nice afterthought. of course i change it for a visitor!
so, i got my fuzzies...and we snuggled up. it got hot! he was great, and we had fun. he had such mesmerising eyes, could stop a girl in her paces. yeah, he did meet my gaze eventually.
like i said to corinthian...in my mind, i have lovers..
i should have been born in another century.
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Added on: 01/29/06 20:37
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i was in my new headspace now, adjusting, a new glint in my eye, new naughty girl, furnished with the all seeing eye! and the worst thing happened.
i met a boy.
why/how did he arrive now? not NOW! i was about to be rich!! and, hes in the way. bad bad timing.
i couldnt help it tho, i was in love/lust....i tried to escape, i rebuffed him, he chased me, wooed me, he wouldnt take no for an answer. i knew i wanted him too. but i had plans, and this wasnt meant to happen?
he didnt even live in scotland, he lived in reading, and was in REME training, there. he told me he was 22, to my 24. i found out later, he was 19.
off on a tangent....ive never said "i love u" to anyone. but i have felt it. he was one of them, i have never uttered those words tho, ever. i dont know what that means, or why ive just told u that. i havent even said it to my mum. maybe im like a stereotypical bloke, one that cant commit. oh, the mystery...
ive been so consummed, i cant breathe or speak, so i dont (thats a first haha)....say anything.
i saw him first, in a mirror, and figured out where he was in the bar. i moved nearer, till i was next to him, oh! what a wiley woman! hahaa, well, we found out, that we knew some of the same people, and, he knew my younger bro! i could barely keep my hands off, but i was a lady, i went home alone. he had my no tho...
2 weeks later, all the way from reading, he arrived at mines on the off chance i was in...i was! we just stared at each other for ages. it was like xmas to me. i just wanted to eat him alive. i couldnt stop looking at him, i even kept my eyes open when we kissed, cos i needed to look at him. we stayed awake all nite, just talking.
what about my plan, tho? i didnt know what to do next, but i thought i could juggle.
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Added on: 01/28/06 22:20
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i had a letter from a man in aberdeen called bill, he was 56 to my 24, and he wrote a really funny letter, very upbeat. i might have chosen him first, but i thought i wanted a shy boy first, to gain confidence in myself? thats how i thought about it.
he was a jolly sort, bill, he arrived in my street in an open top jag, and yes, i was impressed. he looked ok, sort of like noel edmonds dad haha, he was funny, too. i felt really comfortable and was quite carried away with the whole scene. i was wearing a dark green velvet dress, stockings, heels, long hair up. perhaps what a football wife looks like now haha, oh cringe!!! i have a pic of me in that dress, mite post it sometime.
he was taking me to fife, to a dinnerdance work thing, and it really looked like dad n daughter! we had a brill time, he was hilarious, i really liked him. he told me a lot of useful things, he knew i was quite new, and he didnt take advantage of my naivety, so i was finding gentlemen even then!
we did get raunchy, oh yes we did, and i found that he had a big scar from his neck to his navel. he had had a heart transplant op the year before!
i didnt wear out the new heart, i hope hes alive now....eeek
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Added on: 01/27/06 19:42
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