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The country will be at fever pitch with people busting a gut to get to the Christmas celebrations with either friends or family ( though not everyone HAS a family)
I will morph from a windswept and interesting, wise and wily 'sex goddess,' to: .............a child.
I will be told where to hang my hat, my coat....told to set the table, to get my tea before it gets cold, to not drink so much...will be aked for the millionth time: 'have you ever thought of going back to your natural colour'
Be harangued to have a dessert when i don't WANT one.
I'm sure it's the same for most people.
We will ALWAYS be a child in the eyes of our parents and especially one's dear mother.
I won't even WANK while i sleep in my childhood bed
It just would not feel right!!!!!
Any body else feel that way????
Or is it the Catholic in me??????
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Added on: 12/21/05 12:50
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I knew it was a mistake to venture into the metropolis on a Saturday afternoon two weeks before the C word.
I dodged the the shoppers till i came to a triple baby buggy (grrrrr)
and diverted to the gutter.....slipped and TWISTED MY ANKLE.
There i stood, like the Karate kid about to execute 'the crane'...with loads of people offering a perfunctuary 'you all right?' but not actually stopping to help me stand.
I tried to walk it off,....by the time i got home the pain was virtually unbearable...i had to cancel my appointments.
My potential patrons were good natured about it (at least i bloody let them KNOW i was cancelling....wish some men would consider doing the same)
Then finally i got a: 'yeah but you can still suck can't ya?'
I'm glad the spirit of good will toward men is alive and kicking!!!!!
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Added on: 12/11/05 13:33
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In this game there is no rhyme or reason or no pattern to punting movements.
But this time of year is a shoo in, in terms of guaranteed patrons flocking to the door, you can practically set your watch by it.
I guess it is the prospect of being cooped up with people whom you have nothing or very little in common, other than being vague blood relations.
Add to that fractious kids, moaning oldies, and recriminations from years before boiling to the surface of the cauldren, and the ubiquitous Mother in Law....and poor blokes just want to escape and have a GOOD time.
Step this way gentlemen...HO HO HO.
It's not only the Turkeys that gobble at Christmas
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Added on: 12/10/05 03:57
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I solved the mystery of 'you was in the NEWS OF THE WORLD'
Several weeks a go i wrote and submitted an article (which will be published next week)about a new initiative which Brighton and Hove council are implementing with regard to sex workers.
To cut a very convoluted story short, i regaled a local reporter (who was at a restaurant launch) with the subject matter of the said article.
He, much to my searing anger and despite my protestations, plageurised it.
The story was deeply flawed, since he did not have the correct information (i was unwilling to provide it) and he even attributed quotes to me---THAT I NEVER SAID AT ALL!!!
Like they say: 'Never let the truth get in the way of a good story'
A hack from N.O.W obviously nicked HIS supposed story and 2 steps removed, the story ended up like a Chinese Whisper and was even more misleading.
On a similar theme: The manager of a local store (who stocks my book)gave some information (though very tongue in cheek) for the 'Shopping section' of a local Gay Magazine....he gave it to the editor, who just passed it over to the office girl...and it was bloody printed.
This is what it said:......... BUY A WHORE FOR 5.99!!!!! I hasten to add it was about my book and the manager was only joking BUT...doesn't anybody CHECK these things.
Still on a similar theme...yet ANOTHER local Magazine had an article about prostitution a few months back and i felt the wording was misleading, i there fore emailed complaining that it was bad enough to have the bigotry and castigation cast in our direction, but even worse if editors printed disinformation....i sent him a web link showing him correct Home Office Law covering the subject matter.
I have just picked up a copy....and whilst he has got MY quote right (hurrah, be thankful for small mercies)he has asserted that all of the ILLEGAL areas are now (according to him) LEGAL......i truly give up.
Talk about education, education,education
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Added on: 12/03/05 12:37
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....'You was in the News of the World on Sunday' said a magazine editor(to whom i had submitted an article on sex surveys).
The news was like a dagger through my heart.
I don't read it, or even take a crafty peek ---so i am in the dark as to the content (the editor had to go to a meeting).
I have no idea what it was pertaining to, if there was a photo, if they misquoted me (and they surly HAVE---since i have given no interview to a tabloid)
Does any one own up to having a copy so that you can put me out of my misery?????
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Added on: 11/29/05 13:03
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A monotone, flat and disinterested voice asked me for 'details' a few days ago.
I adopted my usual jaunty and jocular manner.....but, nope....i couldn't seem to break through the austere frostiness.
A provisional booking was made, and yes dear reader....i prayed for a mega delay on the M25 or wherever (he was making a 6 hr journey) since with the benefit of thought, i reached the conclusion that i would rather pull hairs from my own anus, than spend time with a complete miseryguts.
He rang to say he had arrived early (by 40 min) and the die was cast.
'You will still have to wait for the appointment time' i said.
This was not recieved very well by 'happy bo**ocks'
'I cannot control how long the journey takes' he whined in accusatory
tones.
This was going to be a right treat!!!
I ruminated, for 5 minutes and rang him back.
'We are simply not going to get on' i said
'Why not?' he replied
I told him he sounded flat and miserable and that frankly (since i am self employed and therefore my own boss) i did not want to spend one minute in what i felt may be an unfriendly environment.
He explained that he always sounded that way and i charitably gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Yes, i received him as a guest and yes he was STILL decidedly unfriendly and non communicative.
HOW ON EARTH CAN GUYS EXPECT TO GET THE BEST FROM A SEX WORKER IF HE IS A MOODY GIT????
I did my very best to be sweet and caring (as always) but boy is it hard when the other party does not even TRY to be sociable.
Funny old world.
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Added on: 11/28/05 16:55
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The number of available heterosexual men in Brighton is virtually NIL (take note Grant).
18 months ago i embarked on a useless odessy of searching for a (sometime) lover.
Guess what?
The same people who would end up perusing my site (and booking me maybe), were also prowling the dating sites (Quelle Surprise)----and they got jolly upset, not to say confused when they saw me there.
'You look familiar'
'I'm gonna report you to the administrator'
'So what really IS the cost of ***king you?'
'You should be ashamed to play with genuine people's emotions, when they are genuinely search for companionship--and you're trawling for trade'
The list was endless
All of these dreadful cynical people (and there was even one woman who suspended my membership of her dating site because she discovered my profession) could not come to terms with the fact that when you finish work for the day, you are on your OWN time.
Then you have the CHOICE with whom one wishes to spend time.
It's not really that complicated surely????
Have given up the search, was a complete waste of time and the brickbats one has to endure from the male inmates of the asylum are too much to bear.
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Added on: 11/22/05 18:42
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I have just had an epiphany.
Since Thomas Cook are now advertising 'Sex Tours' of Amsterdam----where 'children go half price and the under 3' go for free', when i retire (when indeed) i will be the tourist's intrepid tour guide.
At the moment, the 'AMSTERDAM AFTER DARK WALKING TOUR' is being led by an ex sex worker---it begins with: a drink at a 'prostitute's information centre'---then, forming an orderly queue, they wander to the red light district itself. How Marvellous!!!!
I could wave my flag (adorned with a naked girl of majestic proportions) and lead them all into temptation.
'Mummy, why is that lady in the window on a swing?'
Mummy gives Britney a few Kroners to spend on sweeties.
'Daddy, that nice lady is waving at you!!'
Daddy gives Romeo more money to look after Sis, and LOADS of money to the missus to basically get lost for an hour.
How terribly Pythonesque, mind you according to a Spokesperson, the travel company was only offering this tour due to 'feedback from travel clients'!!!!
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Added on: 11/21/05 10:38
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If you remember from my blog a few weeks ago, about the disgraceful episode with the producers trying to make a fake show------they have just been on the phone to me AGAIN!!!!
Out of interest you guys, has anyone aproached YOU over the last few days.
Your feedback would be appreciated.......
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Added on: 11/16/05 12:38
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Yet ANOTHER 'programme' from Endemol on channel Five last night, left me wondering if they were trying to put the Porn industry out of business.
Is there no end to the number of (deluded) souls who will get their kit off for the chance to be on T.V
I saw pubes, flanges,long schlongs, button mushrooms, morbid obesity (though they seemed to be the most cheerful), folds of porcine flesh, shaven havens ( due to the multi piercings) that looked like a hamster's playground.
Some of them relished their brush (no pun) with fame and others looked so uncomfortable that i just wanted to hide my face behind a cushion in excrutiation.
The saving for regular users of Porn, videos or pay per view will be immense---just tune into channel five and you'll be well away.
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Added on: 11/05/05 06:54
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Were i to be writing this on my personal blog ---i would have put it under the category: UN****INGBELIEVABLE.
Channe Five have just broadcasted another 'expose' on older woman younger man.
I personally found it heartwarming, even though some of the subjects were not the shiniest coin in the fountain.
But the lady who had: 'multiple orgasm syndrome' grabbed my attention.
If in the course of my 'duties' i get to holler: 'Jesus****ing Christ***---or some such exclamation, i have a freezing cold shower and try and get some fresh air----otherwise it has the most soperific effect on me.
That's just for ONE-----and my patrons are rather a) adept and b)willing to provide me with pleasure (gawd bless ya)
Her young boyfriend/husband felt under a sexual siege---and was clearly buckling under the strain.
Talk about be careful what you wish for----YOU MIGHT JUST GET IT IN SPADES!!!!!!!!
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Added on: 10/31/05 17:15
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More feedback from my 'stage debut'---i was googling around the other day (imperative to keep on top of the situation marketing wise)typing in variations of things that men would, in looking for moi.
I saw on the second page of results for my name and area----a blogger who had mentioned having seen me at the theatre on that evening.
'A LARGE PROSSIE IN TIGHT CORSET.....' was part of his description.
I felt it was somewhat of a put down----and duly posted a comment in reply
' i prefer the description voluptuous myself' i wrote
He replied.
I then said that i found the word 'prossie' a tad derogatory.
He replied:'Sorry forgive me...i'm a northerner'
I called off my honour hit men and mused that at least he spelt my name correctly.
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Added on: 10/27/05 19:36
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Sure, 'no shows' are the bain of a sex workers existance.
We shouldn't take it SO personally though--as in: 'lack of respect' to this beleagured industry.
I have mates that work in various service industries, lots of them in elite five star situations----and the buggers do it to them too.
The only difference between me and them is that they swallow their pride, and at a later date see the swines that treated them with such contempt.
Not me----i invoke 'bushido' (way of the Samuarai) i will not allow the same thing to happen to me again, otherwise it is, as the Chinese philosophers would say 'like sipping bitter wine'. I'm not that desperate and i have to do it to take back control.
To say nothing of the rooftop snipers that hunt them down and erase with extreme prejudice (joke)
I see several houses of gastronomy do the very same thing---and GOOD ON 'EM.
Some people need to learn some manners
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Added on: 10/20/05 10:40
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The pains in my chest (and that's a BIG pain) and the shortness of breath--- due i think, to mega anxiety, has dissapated to the point that i will no longer think about booking an appointment for an E.C.G.
Some feedback from my 'stand up' (rather than the prone position---or any other for that matter) has started to filter through....
'If you want to come back again...' said the promoter.
'I wonder if you would like to publish them in a magazine (my anecdotes)' asked a Mag that, only 48 hours before, i had actually STARTED TO DRAFT a letter requesting the very same thing!!!!!!
FUNNY OLD WORLD ISN'T IT???
P.S---i said YES to doing it all over again---i must be utterly MAD....or is it the roar of the greaspaint and the smell of the crowd????
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Added on: 10/19/05 09:05
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Having performed my first 'stand up' at a bona fide theatre---with lights, mike, expectant audience, and just knowing that you CANNOT STUFF UP ----because, (this was MY view) the audience would think that i was only fit for/qualified to service: the good and the great, i am only just coming down to earth from my fright and high.
The paying punters (in the audience) were only given the line up 24 hours beforehand--and therefore one of my myriad soubriquets were bought into play.
Two words: unquestioningly terrifying.
I have so much respect for ANYONE who can get up and entertain LIVE.
I hope for the sake of you guys--i aquitted myself well.
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Added on: 10/14/05 20:50
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Was i flattered to be asked to appear on the show?....
Nope, but i thought if i could at least get across the fact that wonderful women (and men) are employed in the industry....and that it is LEGAL (apart from the obvious; underage soliciting and controlling/pimping)....and naturally could get a brief plug for my book, thereby showing that us members of the sex working community could say it loud and proud and pronounce;'we have nothing to fear...and we can achieve..and we have brains...and we are not ****ed up...and we are not on drugs'...i thought i could hide my pathological shyness and make a statement for the good------which was why i thought they asked me in the initial instance. Silly Moi.
A phone call this morning ended that flight of fancy.
i had been getting edgy, due to the fact that THEY WOULD NOT TELL ME WHAT THE SUBJECT MATTER WOULD BE.
I sent an enquiring email.
TWO days before the recording date they said: 'have you ever seen the show before'
I responded that i hadn't.
'It's about resolving conflict.....family conflict'
I wondered how the hell an author and erotic service provider could fit into the mix
'perhaps you have a family member who can say they hate what you do'
****disclaimer*** that may be not verbatim the precise words but i swear that is the gist of what was asked
The fact being, the reason they would not tell me what the subject matter was.....was (i assume) to dupe me to arrive at the studio without telling me the true nature of what they required.
When i told them that i was not going to take part in something which was not an indication as to the life i led nor my inner most thoughts
they asked:' do you know anyone who WILL???'
'ARE YOU ASKING ME TO DO YOUR WORK FOR YOU'I snorted indignantly.
If someone thinks that T.V is something to aspire to, i would say: i have encountered more truth in this industry which is still so maligned, compared to the shabby machinations of these charlatans.
I would like to know, who is going to recompense me for cancelled appointments???
It's late, as Ms 'o Hara would say: 'Tomorrow is another day'
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Added on: 10/05/05 20:04
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"..ooooh, i guess you'll be busy then, what with the conference an' all?"
They could not be more wrong-----Brighton is an exclusion zone----therefore most guys think: 'might stay away for a week'-----which is precisely what they do.
Which means---there has never been a better time to park and come to our Sunny Shores.
I just love BODY WORSHIPPING the politicians i've see on the telly-----for the umteenth time.........
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Added on: 09/21/05 17:57
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A few weeks ago, a lovely guy came to see me---and in the course of conversation he said: 'i'm getting married tommorow'
This reminded me of a likely lad who strolled into the 'best little whorehouse' in Sydney, Australia--and he proclaimed the very same words
'i'm getting married tomorrow ----so make it good sheilas'
He was 'with' 3 or 4 ladies for approx 6-7 hours-----it was Midday----and he was (as he told us) getting spliced at 3.pm.
He was absolutely 'rat-arsed'-----we put him in a cold shower----plied him with copious amounts of coffee----gave him his last/ final blow job of his single life------he staggered to the front door----we wished him well in his conubial bliss------bleary eyed he turned to his overnight temptresses and said:
I WAS ONLY KIDDIN'............
Bastard!!!!!
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Added on: 09/16/05 16:08
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I read in a newspaper a few weeks ago, that the ARMY was recruiting at
Europe's biggest Gay Festival--MANCHESTER PRIDE.
A SPOKESPERSON SAID:'they need not fear intimidation, prejudice or bullying.....'
So all of the taboos are being stipped away---BAR ONE.
PROSTITUTION.
The fear of being 'found out' or identified as a sex worker, thwarts all kinds of advancement in the world---and it really must stop.
Colour, creed, sexual orientation or even having been a criminal-----these do not stop people from doing what they want to do.
When is Britian going to grow up???
My M.P could be black, (openly)gay or an ex jailbird----but i bet he/she couldn't have been a sex worker.
Things simply have to change.........
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Added on: 09/15/05 08:27
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After all of that marvellous struggle and striving with oodles of the true Corinthian spirit---and what do our Cricketing lads do???
Flintoff chews his cud (with chewing gum)--like my childhood mate: MOLLY THE COW
And Jones sticks his bottle of beer in his gob and finally leaves it on the presentation podium.
Is it my imagination or are standards slipping???
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Added on: 09/12/05 18:30
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