I posted a blog about my depression and a forum post about how depression and lack of exercise can lead to a heart attack and I've taken that information to heart.

Before I was hit by a drunk driver I was a weight lifter and did jazz dancing plus a whole lot of other activites. I weighed 195lbs had a 19 inch neck, 18 inch arms, 32 inch waist and 28 inch thighs, and a 44 inch chest. I had to have my clothes taliored to fit. Since the accident damage my spine I have no longer been able to exercise like I want to and that depressed me so I wouldn't go to the gym or work out. But that has changed.

My AA sponsor is an avid duck hunter and would take me hunting a few times a year. Last year the owner kicked out one of the guys my sponsor shared a blind with and I asked him what it cost to have a seat in the blilnd. He told me and said he didn't expect me to buy the seat he'd take me out with him. Well, I bought the seat and am going duck hunting fairly regularly,now.

The work of carring all my equiptment qand walking out to the blind killed me the 1st three times I went hunting but now I'm able to go out 3 times a week. When I first went out I was having to stopp and rest before I could walk down the chek all the way to the blind. Now, I can walk out to it without getting tired and doing it faster each time. I'm feeling much better and the activity has helped my depression.

I hope to join a gym after the holidays and start working out to stay healthy and active. I'll never get back to where I was but any improvement, is an improvement for the better.

I'm going to see a nuerologist who specializes in nerve damage and hopefully he'll put me in physical thearpy and that will get me into the routine of working out, again.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL.

I suffer from a mental illness, probably mone than one. But the one I have to deal with daily is severe depression.
I was diagnosed as having a mental disorder after I was discharged from the Army. They didn't call it PTSD back then they said I was nuerotic and boderline psychotic, that way they didn't have to pay me compesation for an injury suffed during my service but, when they reccoginized PTSD I was only awarded a 10% disability. Didn't bother me, I was happy to get a 10% rating because it meant $25.00 a month from the VA. I didn't suffer from any thing that I thought hampered me. Goes to show how much I know!
After the military I was "self medicating" drugs and booze. Made no difference to me I thought that I was part of the Hippie culture and I was. Then part of the biker culture and the violence I had experienced in my life only made me more dangerous than I had been before. But I didn't think I had any problems and when I quit using drugs and booze I realized there really wasn't that much wrong with me. I haven't, intentonally hurt any one since I jjoined AA.
My depression didn't even begin after I was hit by a drunk driver and ended up being operated on and out of work for nearly 2 years. It began after I had to have back surgery, which became infected, and caused spinal cord damage.
I was the kind of person who thrived on adventure, excitement and chaos. As many people have said: "If there is every an emergency, you want Paul there." I'm still good in an emergency but I can't do the work any more and that's the problem.
How do you learn to re-idnetify your self after you have llive your life as one person and now an injury causes me to have to search for that person daily. I'm in pain every day and it limits my activity and it pisses me off so, I get depressed and when I'm depressed I isolate.
So, if I'm not posting or on the boards, you know where I am.

First, I want to thank every one who posted congrats on my post about my new grand son. He's doing fine, weights about 18lbs, only four months old but wears 9 month old clothes. The T-Day holidays were hard on him and I ended up paying for it. I had him Friday from about 6 pm till Saturday at 2pm. Sunday I had him from 10am to 5:30pm. Friday and Saturday were hell! He was so tired that all he did was fuss. He was so tired and was in his crib with his eyes closed squalling and rubbing his eyes, drove me crazy. Sunday he was finally rested and was the sweet baby he is. He only squaked a little bit and quited down as soon as I put him in his bouncy chair and placed in front of the sliding glass door so he could look out side and still watch the football game. He really likes to watch football, it's going to be a battle between my son and I to see which team will be his favorite. Raiders or cowboys. I hate the cowboys and I was born in Texas.

I have one son and he and girlfriend gave birth to my 1st grandchild, a , boy. He weighed in at 8lb 1oz., 19 1/2 inches long at 10:50 PM on July 25. He is a real pretty baby and has the sweetest shaped mouth and rests his head on his little left fist. He has stawberryblond hair and brown eyes and he is the love of my life. I changed his diaper and then held him for about 2 hours and the only time, after changing his diaper, that started squawking was when I changed him from one arm to the other. He quickly quited down after I talked to him and stroked his little body. He's a cuite and he is going to be his "Pappa's Boy". I'll make sure of that!LOL
His middle name is Paul, after me. I was really surpised when they told me they were going to name him after me but my son and I a really close and always tell one another that we love them. When my son was little he would tell me he was my "Little love bug".
He's healthy and has big hands, feat and pretty well hung for a little guy. I know I'm going to spoil him rotten!!
I'm so happy, this is my first grand child.

There are so many fires burning in California that where I live it looks like fog. I took a couple of pictures of the sun and some one aksed me why I was taking pictures of the moon when I showed them the pictures. The health departments are recommending that people do not go out side, at all and some area schools have been closed due to the smoke. There are so many fires and the tempature has been around 100F for the last 2 weeks. God bless and keep the fire fighters safe.

I'm up and around, again, after my last surgery. I'd like to kick the shit out of a lot of doctor's. The one who did my surgery said it would feel like I got punced. Yeah, right. It felt like I got kicked in the gut by a Mule. The fucking anastheisgolist bruised the whole back of my hand with his IV and gave me a fat lip when he pulled the aspirator out. Ass holes!
The meds they gave me for the surgery and pain knocked me out for 2 1/2 days and I've just now gotten my sleep cycle back to normal. I'd be awake all night and try to stay awake the entire day and then be so tired I'd take a nap for an hour and couldn't get back to sleep until 4 - 6 AM and it kept going like that. I'd stay awake all night and day and still couldn't fall asleep and finally I fell asleep Sunday night at 10pm and woke up Monday at 5am and went to sleep, last night at 11pm and was up at 630 this morning. Hopefully that's all over.
When I went back for my check up I saw the Dr's PA and she told me I'd be sore for the next 2 months so that's going to be the shits but what can you do?

I went on a web search of South Africa looking for escorts there and I want to tell you: Don't do it! I ended up with 82 spyware viruses from just a couple of sites. There was one escort on this site from South Africa but she removed her ad so I was trying to find her and possibily others.
I had to buy and download a spyware package to get rid of them all. So not only does Africa send out a bunch a web scams but they have spyware as well. I'm going to have to contact a bunch of places and change my passwords as well as alert them to possible false inquireis.
It was hard as hell, for me, to get the anti-spyware program working but I got all of them deleted.

Last Thursday I went to see my surgeon and they're going to operate on me on June 9th. Have to be at the hospital and that night I went to a Friends of the NRA diner. I out bid some people on a .22 cal bolt action rifle. Not a great deal of fire power but it is a great rifle to teach kids how to shoot with and my niece wants to learn how to shoot a rifle and pistol. Both of which will be .22 cals.
I also out bid one other guy on a guided hunting trip to Africa! The trip was supposed to start bidding at $7,600.00 but they had to drop the price to $2,500 and I opened the bidding. It went back and forth between this one guy and I and I won the bid at $3,500.00. A $7,600.00 trip for half price. I can only shoot animals that are edibile and the meat goes to an orphanage. I must pay a tax for the animal I shoot and that goes to the game refuge. I can shoot as many animals as I can pay for (right), but I do get to have the skin and horns sent to a taxidermist and mounted and made into a rug.
I'd love to be able to bring home some of the meat but the law is that it must go to the orphanage so I'm OK with that. I can take another hunter or a person who just wants to see the wild life. I know I will be taking both of my cameras. My 9.5 Digital EOS Rebel and my 35mm Pentax K1000. I won't be going hunting every day but I do expect to be doing a lot of sight seeing and have been told it's a once in a life time experience.
So, I've been from Bankok to Marioupol, Ukraine. Only India and China left to circumnavigate the globe and from Venezula to Alaska to go Longitudal around the globe. I just might make it, yet, during my life time.
I took some pictures on the ground and have to down load them from my camer and post some. I am also having the 8mm viedos they made transferred to a DVD so I might be able to down load some of them as well. Maybe I can figure out how to do a Youtube thing with them.

I have recieved some great news! My Worker's Comp case has been settled and I am going to get my settlement with in the next few days. The only problem is; I've got to have an opperation and recupperate from that before I can have some fun. But, Thank, God, it's finally over. What a relief.

I know I haven't posted a blog for a while and I thought I'd take this time to catch up on what I've been doing. I think the last couple of short blogs had to do with me cutting up storm downed trees and health so here goes.
I think my settlement with worker's comp finally went through on Tuesday and I've been involved with another law suit with the contractor who built the addition on to my house for about 4 years. I got a call from my attorney about that and met with him and it appears that the contractor is ready to negociate a settlement. It's still in the early stages so I don't really know what's going on because it in the lawyer to lawyer stages.
My sister's health hasn't changed but at least I've got her eating better and the doc took her off of her diabeits meds. She met a woman at the community center who asked her to join her at an Over eaters Anomynous meeting which I hope she will do. When I do house cleaning I find wrappers from candy and other things she shouldn't be eating. She's in Los Angles, now, getting some dental work done she started while she was living there.
I've been busy painting my house and has it taken a long time. If it wasn't raining it was windy so I had to do a lot of painting by hand with a brush and roller. The origional house, about 800 square feet, took 10 gallons of primer, the stucco was so rough and thick I had to put two coats on it. Then of course, my favorite, the trim all had to be done by hand. I bought this stuff called Acrylic Elastomeric Paint and painted the house with it. Hell, it's not paint, it's an Acrylic coating and the stucco feels like it's plastic. It was expensive but it's got a life time warrenty and it cover up all the cracks the stucco has. It also expands and contracts with the weather.
I cut and split about 3 1/2 cords of wood ( a cord is 4x4x8 feet) most of it Oak but a lot of other wood as well. When it's free you take what you can get. Oak costs about $350.00-$400.00 a cord so I made out pretty well and since I have to keep the house around 78F during the winter for my sister I go through a lot of wood.
On the 7th of May I go to see the surgeons about my operation which I plan to schedule for the 16th. I'd do it sooner but I'm going to be doing my Air Combat flying on the 9th (by myself) and she's returning from LA on the 15th.
On the 13th I'm going to fly back to Vancouver to see Cora and return on the 14th. I just haven't been able to find an escort in the Sacramento area that I like as much as I like her. It's a good thing she lives so far away. Amd my passport expires in June and I know it will take about 6 weeks to get my new one issued.
I've been dealing with a lot of issues with my sister's estate and it seems like I'm always talking to an attorney for either her case or one of mine. I'm in the stages of getting my niece's ashes disinterned and shipped to Texas to be buried next to my mom's. The lady in LA wanted to know what space my niece was to be buried in and found it hard to believe that there was no space only a plot. My granfather bought a plot in the Magnolia Cemetary in Woodville, Texas where his family and grand children could be buried back in 1900. They didn't have spaces then, only plots. I could have my ashes buried there but I'm going to donate my body to some medical school. I think that having aspairing doctors work on a body that has had damage from war, auto accidents and has 3 medically fused verterbrae in the cervical spine, 2 in the lumbar spine (from an infection) and an artificial knee and has had transplanted ligaments from cadavars for the ACL might help some other poor SOB. Or else have my ashes scattered by fire works. There's actually a company that will do a fire works show to scatter your ashes over the ocean. I have always like fire works and I might as well go out with a bang.
So life has been busy and I've been dealing with it one day at a time and, oh yeah, I got all 3 yrs of my taxes filed.:-))

I know I do a lot of posting on the forum board of News and Politics but, I think that it is very important that an informed public can make an informed decision.
I think the movie "Charlie Wilson's War" and "Lions for Lambs" give a good representation of what is going on in the world today and how if what the US starts is not finished how it effects the rest of the world and country for decades to come.
When I got out of the Army I went to college to get my Political Science degree so I could go to law school and then become a politician. I learned I wasn't dishonest enough to be a politician.
Everyone thinks Obama will change things and Clinton will be more influenced by the old Demo Establishment and McCain will just be another Bush.
What people don't really understand is that is there, really, is no difference between the two parties. The rich will protect the rich no matter what party they belong to. It's the "Good Ole Boys Club" mentality of the career politicians that fuck us over. One President does't do that much. What has to change is who is elected to the Congress and the Senate. You don't get to be a Commitee Chairperson with out having done some thing for other members of your party and you certianly have to do things for members of the other party, too.
I don't care who you vote for for President but I do hope you will vote against any incumbent career politician. They are the ones with the real power.
I'm a registered Democrate and have been since 1971, years before many of you were born or could vote and believe me there is no difference between them. Sure, we have our ultra-liberals as the Repubs have their ultra-conservatives but the monied class, the eliets of society, take care of their own first and fuck the rest of us.
You don't hear about the rich compaing about fuel or food. They own all the companies. It we the people who suffer and have to deal with the messes they make and they still make money off of us.
California and Nevada have banned burning wood for heating claiming it hurts the enviornment but who makes the money off of the Utilities, the rich that's who. Who has money to invest in the Comodites Markets with futures and shortages, the rich. It cost at least $10,000 to even invest in the Futures market while we can't even afford health care.

Well, crap.
I went to the doc's because I've been have abdominal pains after I eat and had to have a ultra-sound and I learned that a hyanial hernia I got years ago is starting to cause problems. The doc told me I had to have my gall bladder removed in order to repair the tear in my diaphram. I never planned to live past the age of 21 and this getting older sucks. As one guy I spoke to said "Getting older is a lot harder than it looks".

I thought my niece was going on an Archilogical dig in New Zealand and now I find out it's in Ireland. Well, I guess I'd better send in my passport for renewal before the tourist season starts.

Well, since all the rain has stopped I've been busy cutting down damaged trees and limbs from them. I've been running a chain saw for 4 weeks straight and now my right hand hurts from it. With the sun comming out and the tempatures getting warmer the mosquitos are sawarming every where. You'd think with the exhaust from the chain saw they'd stay away but I think it attracts them.
Where ever you live be careful of the mosquitos. West Valley Nile fever is a killer.

Every day I log on to my computer I've got at least 30 SPAM messages and it is driving me crazy. I've trie deleting cookies, changing security setting (which prevented me from logging on) and ever thing else I can think of. PLease help it you are able to.
THANKS.

After being in a battle with State Compensation Insurance Fund in California for 17 years it looks like they're going to finally settle my case.
I wrote some pretty stong letters to my attorney and even got a U.S. Congressman involved and now they are proposing a settlement. My attorney and I have to go over a lot of records and I have to start filing for milage claims on doctor's appointments but, it is looking good.
If it goes through I'll be able to do a lot of things I have been puting off for some time.
Wish me well.

Today I was doing all kinds of things. I had to drive down to the bay area to meet my ex to get some stocks signed over to me.
I had to put a shotgun back together for some jerk who took it apart then, put it back together worng and fired it. Turning it into a useless piece of shit. It is an old Browning B-80, a semi-automatic, and would be a great gun to teach a kid to shoot skeet with. (I bought a used Winchester 1100 for my son to learn). But this jerk didn't know what he was doing and so now it's only a single shot shot gun. He didn't realize what the recoil guide, on the back of the blolt carriage was for and didn't put in the propper position. I called him up, he's been hasseling me about getting it back and complained when I ordered some parts for it, and told him to come and pick up the useless piece of shit and go dump it in the river.
I was doing laundry, sweeping and vaucuming the floor ( I hate to vacum) and started to mop the floor when I heard my sister yell and fall in the shower (There are grab bars in the shower). She had a sizure and missed the handle. I ran into help her and got her to her feet, checked to make sure she was alright and then returned to the kitchen to continue to mop. SHIT!!! I forgot to turn off the water before I ran into help her so my hardword floor was getting a bath.
I ran and got every towel in the house and started throwing them on the floor and then my sister came in and started putting them down as well. We got the floor as dry as we coluld and then I carried the soggy towels to the laundry room to wash and dry. I put our a floor fan, turned on the celing fan and took a shop vac and am using the exhaust port as a fan and then I told her we were going out to dinner.
The shop vac is so noisy I don't know how much sleep I'll get tonight. I'm thinking I get a pair of ear plugs from my shooting gear and use them. After dinner I went to an AA meeting and vented about being pissed off at some guy in the program and told my story of woe.
At least, I think, the insurance will cover the floor if it gets warped but I don't want to go through that again.

The Holiday's sucked for me. They always do. But I made it through them and now I'm feeling better. I went wild trukey hunting and duck hunting and didn't get any turkey but I got a few ducks.

My ex told me Lester wanted to go hunting with me so I'll start hunting phesant and grouse and quail next fall. Only problem is, neither one of us have a dog.