2006
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Its been a while since my last blog entry and that's because the final chapter of Ryan's Story is here but first reality had to catch up with my blog.
I have said before in my blog that sometimes you get to really click with a particular escort and that is wonderful - but also leads to "complications", and that is what this last chapter is about. I have met probably about 20 escorts over the years but to be honest, although I have met many lovely, charming girls only three really got under my skin. One of those was the Brazilian girl I have described already in my blog. Something about her I found particularly attractive, not simply on a physical level but on an emotional and intellectual level. It keeps me wondering "what might have been", but she always made it clear that there could be nothing more, although when she retired she invited me back for one last date and we spent a couple of extra hours together after the date just chatting about things so I guess she must have felt I was a "special" client in some way. Another girl that keeps coming back in my mind was Russian. I only got to meet her once but after a rather "vanilla" start to the date the second hour was particularly passionate and intense - another case of me wondering "what might have been". I asked this girl during the date "Are you really like this with all your clients?" She shook her head vigourously. I smiled and said "I don't think I believe you!" and she grinned back at me. I guess I will never know for sure! But this posting is about a girl from Thailand that I will refer to as Taz (its not her real working name).
I met Taz just over a year ago. I had no real idea what she would be like - I booked her from an agency recommendation. She was in a basement flat in Paddington - very romantic, lit by candles, beautifully furnished. She was a very attractive girl I thought - quite tall and curvy for an oriental girl and with a certain elegance. At first the date was a fairly typical escort experience and we didn't click at all, but as we got down to having sex something started to change. I could see in Taz's face that she was responding to this too. We "clicked" but it seemed more than that. It was more like making love. We kissed and cuddled afterwards but Taz seemed troubled - perhaps she hadn't been expecting such an intense encounter. I certainly hadn't. I felt compelled to see her again.
During one of our next meetings Taz asked me an odd question I thought for an escort "Do you think of me when you are not here?" she said. I was taken aback but answered truthfully "Yes... all the time". Of course I had to ask the same question in return and knew what she would say whatever the truth - but when she replied with the inevitable "Yes" she seemed troubled once again, as if the feelings she had were causing her some anguish.
Now here is one complication that occurs when you really "click" with an escort. If an escort appears to be saying "I'm falling in love with you" do you believe her or do you suspect that she might be leading you on to get more money out of you? Your heart wants to believe the first but your wise head can't help but suspect the latter. I guess the escort has similar concerns: "Does this guy like me as much as he says he does - or does he just want a freebie?". Its hard to get away from that trap.
I normally wear my wedding ring to escort dates but as it happened I was not wearing it on those first dates with Taz. On
one occassion she was asking me when she would see me again and I told her that I wasn't sure if seeing her was a good idea as I was worried I was getting too close to her - it was at this point I made her aware for the first time that I was married: "Oh" she said "Now I know. You married but you come see me only for sex". She seemed upset and I cursed myself for not having made my status clear when we had first met. I hadn't wanted to lead her on but perhaps I had. Taz was never quite the same with me after that. When I saw her again she acted more like we had a kind of holiday romance that was not very important and should not be so intense. She was still full of fun and passion but the intensity of emotion had largely evaporated.
It has been difficult to get hold of Taz recently as she is no longer working in London, but thanks to a superhuman effort by her agent who was playing cupid I saw Taz for the last time earlier this week. She will be going home for good in February. I booked a 2 hour appointment and within that 2 hours I wanted to take her out ten-pin bowling as a little goodbye treat because she told me she enjoyed it, but when I got to her place she told me she changed her mind because her friends in the area would see her and they all knew who Ryan was - the "special" client! So instead she dragged me to the bed and smothered me (and my clothing) in kisses. We had a wonderful, passionate time together culminating in a very romantic shared bath that I will always remember.
Taz always makes me laugh all the time. Her English is weak but we never seem to have problems communicating - we just laugh about the confusion "Do ek? Do ek? - oh you mean Durex!". She told me she still thinks of me when we are apart. After my time was up I prepared to leave, but Taz had other ideas - "No! I don't want you to go yet! We go bowling now! Wait - I get dressed and made-up". We went over to the bowling alley and sure enough her friends were there - they all knew who I was! So I spent another two hours in Taz's company kissing, cuddling, laughing, having fun, but now with no money involved - just like boyfriend/girlfriend enjoying each others company. It was the last time I would see Taz and I thought perhaps I should feel sad but I could never be sad with Taz around - she is just so full of an infectious joy of life. We swapped contact details but I don't suppose I will contact her once she has left or she will contact me - I will resume my life and she will resume hers. Taz sweetly walked me down to the underground station and we said goodbye the last time.
Taz is going back to restart her university studies, having made enough money to pay her fees and have a few luxuries. She will never return to London. I know this is best - if I had continued seeing her in the same way as I did this week then eventually I think I might have fallen for her completely with the inevitable consequences for my marriage. I have had an affair once before as described in my blog but it didn't really threaten to break up my marriage - but Taz could have been special enough to make me bite the bullet and leave if time and circumstances had been right. My heart is not broken but it is badly bruised, and I know I won't enjoy seeing escorts again until the memory of my time with Taz has faded, so I think its time to take a break. I will try my annual attempt to re-ignite my frigid loveless marriage - I can always hope, but probably I will find myself back on the scene by the Summer!
This is where my blog ends. I hope that you have enjoyed reading over the last few months. Perhaps some newbies to the scene will have learnt a few things on the way - maybe avoid some of the mistakes I have made. I have changed a few details to protect identities but it is as true as I can make it - truer than my escort reviews that sometimes paint a prettier picture than reality (you have to be careful about that if you think you may go back to see a girl again!). I enjoy reading the comments here and in the forums so you will see me posting replies from time to time I'm sure.
Ryan/RyanS/Ryan Stephenson or however you know me!
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Added on: 01/12/06 10:22
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